Hi readers,
I am unsure if there are still readers for this blog. My last post was in 2018, which means that it has been 5 years since I blogged. It truly is amazing to be reading my previous posts because the feelings are still there and valid to me in this current times.
Life has been so so tough that I almost died. The intrusive thoughts are there and it knocks on my door sometimes. On the outside, I tried to be this bubbly lady, colleague but deep inside, I am just so torn and broken into million pieces, unwillingly picking up all of it. I realise that I am always on survival mode and when shit happens, I often flight. I am unwilling and can not bear the thoughts of hardship. Sigh.
Frankly, I am so tired of listening that I have potential, I am so kind and nice but I am very inconsistent. This has been going on from different employers that I truly believe; the problem lies within myself. It's a rare occasion of me accusing and blaming someone else because I have always been hyper critical of my own mistakes. I am beyond exhausted and I really do not know what to do with my life. It appears to me that I am incapable of doing good in corporate world. I really tried but ultimately, it was never enough. When will it ever be enough? It boggles my head every. single. time.
Dear Allah, I am really so exhausted with this life. I am unsure if I am able to live happily with this current situation. So please, can You please lighten up this feeling. Take away this worthless feeling. Take away this pain. Take away my mental health problem. I am just so so so tired.... Life is indeed so tough and I am just crippling weak to even face it on a brand new day.
