Time really do fly super fast and we're already past first half of 2023!
The ability to re-read my journaling when I was younger is such a blessing. I have not been able to update so frequently post-school years. It has been so long since I have written and journaling. I forgot how peaceful it made me feel; to generously and limitless sharing through words. An eye in writing have always been my strength and it really does help me now in my career and adulthood. Conveying feelings through sentences without bottling it up truly does a wonder.
Life has been a complete roller-coaster. However, I have always kept in my mind that our duty in this dunya our as a Hamba is not to be happy and have fun. This dunya is a temporary place in order for us to enter any Heaven during Akhirat later, thus, we will never be truly happy and satisfied. I have been seeking for peace for so long and eventually, it all comes to an end road. Temporarily, the happiness does flashes by during the moment but all the time? I don't think so. And you know what? That is okay, that is fine. You are allowed to embrace all your sadness and unhappiness that you are feeling. That is just..... normal.
Often times, I struggle to actually accept the reality as this was not what I expected of life to be. But then again, astaghfirullah, who am I to actually despise everything Allah have provided to me? Have I not have adequate basic needs to live? The mindless wonders often comes to mind. Often times, I am sucked into a spiralling hole of never ending thoughts. These thoughts are cruel, to be honest. The level of pain I am dealing with is sometimes too much and extremely excruciating. God give battles to His strongest slave, aye?
